Just a little something

Have you ever been told that you are obsessed with something? I don't like talking about myself in blogs so this is all about you. Heh. Anyway, let's talk about obsession. What is it? It's a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling... Well, at least that's what the dictionary says.

Okay.. Let's say that a lot of people tell you that you're obsessed with, uhh.. Videogames. Why? Just because you're using it the whole day? They tell you that you're addicted. They tell you that you're not doing anything productive. Well, it IS true that playing videogames the whole day is bad. But what exactly is your reason for playing that long?

Let's say you have little brothers and/or sisters. They love videogames as much as you do. You try to ignore them but your parents tell you that you should give them a chance. And as the older one, you try to be a good sibling by sacrificing your 'amusement' just so they could have fun. You smile at yourself. Doesn't it feel good to give? Doesn't it feel good to see somebody smile because of what you did?

Okay, so you more or less gave your PS2 to your siblings. Now what? You see them playing everyday and you finally realized that you're not getting your turn anymore. But you love them. What can you do? So you tried to play while they're asleep. Let's say thet they sleep at around 8 pm. Okay, PS time. But then everyone tells you that you should give your PS a break. It's been used the whole day. So as the obedient child you are, you turned it off.

And so the next day came. Your siblings went out to play. At last, you find yourself alone with your beloved piece of machinery. You turned it on.

The next day, you saw your siblings play videogames. You let them go. But wait a sec... Aren't they supposed to share it with you? I mean.. You're the one who bought it with your OWN MONEY. You now find it unfair.

So you told your parents about it.

"Mom, Dad, I just realized that my siblings are hogging the PS."

So they came up with a solution.

"Son, your siblings go out every saturday. You can play all you want once theyre out." So you're like, "Yeiii!!!!"

...

Saturday. You even marked it on your calendar that says "PS2 day". But then there are some saturdays when your siblings don't go out at all. So you only get to play for like.. Twice a week. More or less... And when you're free during weekdays and at the same time your siblings are not there, you're asked to do your chores. There's nothing you could do about it. After all, chores ARE more important that videogames.

Okay, so 'PS day' came. You played all day. You told yourself, "I rarely get to play like this... I should enjoy it while I still have time..." But then something's wrong. Everyone then starts to tell you that you're getting addicted. That, of course, is not true. You can live without it. It's the only thing that amuses you though. And you're too busy to find alternatives.

So you stop. You prove to them that you're not addicted by quitting and giving up videogames... Forever.

So what was your reason again? Ah yes... It's the only time you get to play. But like what I said earlier [im referring to my post before this], we dont always get what we want. I guess it's best to give it up when you have to. Sad isn't it? Nah, it's okay. YOU'LL be okay. It's for your own good anyway.

... Eh?

0-0-0-Eat this! Nahahaha XD-0-0-0

"Why do you always have to be so selfish? Why can't you just be contented with what you already have?"

I see sadness in your eyes,
You asked for something that's impossible to get. You worked hard for it. You risked your life for it. You gave your best. You told yourself that you could do it. You think you know everything. You pushed everyone away just to get a step ahead. You thought they're useless. You thought that by doing so, it would make your journey a little lighter. You've thrown everything you've had.. Including your life.

"I will succeed for sure.." -that's what you told yourself after taking another step. You felt that you've won already. It's as if nothing could stop you now.

But then things turned out the other way. You were afraid that this would happen. You didn't know that it WOULD happen. Or maybe you did, but you just ignored it, thinking that things would turn out the way you want it to. You were brimming with energy, with confidence.. With pride. But not until now.

You fell flat on your face.

BAM!

Just like that.

You thought you would win. You thought you were there.
And then you told yourself: "This can't be happening..."

Well..

It just did.

Brushing yourself off angrily, you then refused to accept what happened. You screamed at everyone. You screamed at your friends. Wait.. Hold on a sec.. You pushed everyone away, remember? Then they didn't have anything to do with your failure. Which means you have no one.

You're alone.

...

Then you grew insane. You start to do things.. Bad things.. Things that you don't usually do. Things that a normal [good] person don't usually do. You thought you would never lose.

Heh..

We don't always get what we want. You were wrong.

And then you cried your heart out. You were filled with hate, depression, etc.. You want revenge. You want to kill the one who made it impossible for you to get what you want. Well.. If such person ever existed, that is. Doi.

Why can't you just let go of that little something which you cannot own, something that was not meant for you? You feel sorry for yourself. After all, life is not all about you.

And then..

You get back to normal. After that incident, you've sworn not to do it again. You grew happy. You finally told yourself that you are happy with what you have. You start to make friends again. You start a 'new life'.

Sigh..

Then after all that...

You do it again.

...

I pity you.

Kill it all away

inside me
it looks after itself
how it feels good when it is praised
feel how it burns when denied

a tiny mistake in the past
probably scarred me for life
come on now, give me back my dagger
so that i could finally kill my pride

so

kill it all away
kill it all away, now
i don't want to live in hatred
i don't want to see it live

help me accept my mistakes

selfishness
kept me from seeing clearly
i didn't know that it was in me
after all these happy years

help me
encourage myself to be stronger
not by looking at those who are weak
but to those who are way better

jealousy versus inspiration

kill it all away (i am not the best of the best)
kill it all away, now (i am not perfect)
i don't want to live in hatred (don't want to be selfish)
i dont want to see it live (not a sucker for attention)

humility versus pride

Time remaining

'tis another day
another day of misery
another day of trying to make them
make them happy

'tis another day
another day of fantasy
another day of finding somebody
someone like me

hate starts with criticism and resent
unforgiven heart

am i not allowed
to express myself properly
to show them that im angry
just like you do

hate you, hate me
we're all hating each other, aren't we?
will we ever get along
in the end

hate starts with criticism and resent
unforgiven heart

am i not allowed to express myself
unforgiven heart