Fire, Ice
Screams and Lies
To Live without Meaning
Is to Kill to Survive

My heart is singing:

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Happy :)

To my beloved piece of machinery,

Sidumasti Bricci is pulling my leg, obviously. It's like it's taunting me to fight back by escaping my world - the real world. But that's just how it is. That's its nature. Should I follow it like how my friends did? Should I trust it? Should I walk blindly with it? Sidumasti Bricci is not the boss of me, so why should I?

"Sidumasti Bricci, you are deceitful above all things. Who can understand you?"

A very familiar line I must say, but it applies. It's appropriate, and I was wrong. Not that I made a mistake and all, I was just beginning to walk on the opposite side of the road. Fortunately, someone out there was kind enough to put up a sign that says, "One way." That opened my eyes, to be honest. Dang it, what was I thinking? I was starting to become like them, to the point that I have forgotten who I really was! It took me just now to realize that...

I am thankful. I am very thankful to have been warned about the cliff that was ahead. Without the signpost, I would have slipped. Some would say I should let Sidumasti Bricci carry me and fly to the other side. I don't think I'll be needing that now. Sidumasti Bricci could be just an illusion, you know? And it's hard to depend on illusions. I'd rather get to the other side on my own.. I just need a few equipments here and there and....

....... I don't have any money T______________T

But that's another problem I have to deal with, and sad to say.. I gotta deal with this one first before I could get anywhere near the other side of the road :-( It means I have to work harder for money.. And earning what I need will take time T____T

Hey... Since when did I become so impatient? That is not me at all XD But whether I like it or not, earning the right amount of money so I could continue my journey WILL take some time. I guess time is something I cannot escape. Time is my true friend. He is my true friend because he pressures me when I'm slow, and he weighs me down when I start to become reckless. Perhaps this is another sign. Perhaps there's a meaning behind it - a meaning behind Time's intentions for me today.

After all, there IS a purpose for everything...

The things Sidumasti Bricci can do for you

To my beloved piece of machinery,

One of the good things the internet provides you is its limitations. It is the fact that you can hide your true feelings to others and get away with it.

Sometimes, you just wanted to cry at the other person for feeling too damn depressed and hopeless at the moment, thinking that it is downright impossible to reach your dreams and that you are merely wasting your time leaning on false hopes. You wanted help. You thought you needed help, but then again, why should you waste their time dealing with a drama queen like you? It may seem like they do not mind, but sometimes, you are still keeping them from what they are supposed to do at the moment.

Sigh.. Your dreams.

A lot of times you have tried but then the fruit of your efforts soon dried up and became too rotten to eat and to share to others. There are times when you wanted to just let go and forget it, afraid to hurt yourself and the others more. There are times when you just wanted to give up. There are times when you just wanted to snap back to the harsh reality you are currently in and be practical for once. There are times when you are just too skeptic to try.

Sometimes, I envy those who are in the position I wished to have years ago.

Sometimes, I hated myself for letting go and letting others take what I should have had.

Why am I not contented with what I have right now? Why am I still wishing for more or for something better? Is there anything better out there? That, I do not know.

For some strange reason, I am wishing that there would be nothing in store for me out there, just so I could convince myself to hold dear all the things I have right now and never let go. That way, I could be contented with what I currently have, and cherish it until I could no longer do (saying "until I die" is way too cliché, however, I still intend to deliver the same meaning "until I die" has).

Sidumasti Bricci, it seems that I am not yet ready to fully trust you unlike before..

... So why should I force myself to trust you now?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Paranoia (Original story)

“Didn’t I tell you not to listen to the radio?”

It was a cold and misty night in the village. Sounds of sirens were heard from the distance as well as the sound of running water caused by the overflowing river. On the damp road was a stranger walking her way home. She looked up, and upon hearing a scream as well as a gunshot, she took off in a sprint, as if running for her life. It was as if the dark clouds heard the pleading voice as well and soon enough, they began to join nature’s gloomy symphony in harmonic discord, one that the villagers would often refer to as ‘rain’…

In this present day, there lived a happy couple named Dylan and Irene. They were just like any other married couple, except for the fact that they did not have any intentions of receiving information from the world outside their own. Dylan knew very well that knowledge about the real and harsh world would prove too much for a peppy person like his wife so he did his best to eliminate all kinds of means that would link them to the outside world.

“How come we don’t have TV?” Irene would often ask. She would always be greeted by Dylan’s most blank or clueless stares, which were often followed by lines such as, “Oh, we DO have TV, honey…” or “Why? Aren’t you happy with the DVDs I’ve bought you?”

She would then in turn answer something like, “Yes, but I think we’re the only couple here in this village that doesn’t have any programs on TV,” Irene would look around in search of something in particular before continuing, “Or a radio!”

This type of conversation would often lead to shallow arguments that end immediately, thanks to Dylan’s saving line,
“I just don’t want you to get scared and paranoid with all the bad news being aired in media…”
This would of course silence Irene, thinking that yes, he IS right, and that he is only concerned for her, knowing that she could get so paranoid sometimes. This was Dylan’s cure for Irene’s case with paranoia.

Despite all that, there came a time when she became curious, and bought herself a small radio. This meant going against Dylan’s orders but she did it anyway. As soon as she listened to the news, her mind began to absorb all the horrific information, and each one of them served as a stepping-stone for her to try and stop Dylan from going off to work and coming home late.

“Did you hear what they said? There is a killer on the loose! I don’t want you to go! What if the killer catches you? It’s better to be safe than sorry, you know?” Irene exclaimed with a tint of concern in her eyes. Her excuse made Dylan laugh, as it was downright outrageous.

“Irene, dear… What makes you think that the killer would pick me as a victim? Have you been watching or reading the news?” He scratched his head, as he was starting to blame the newspaper boy in his mind for his wife’s behavior.
She lied. “No… I just heard it from the people outside while I was sweeping the front of the house…”

“It’s gossip dear… Don’t listen to that. They’re most likely to be false.”

Even with her husband’s reassuring words of it not likely to happen, the mere thought of it made her shiver every time she was left alone or whenever her husband went out for work. There were many times wherein she was caught listening to the radio and Dylan would often take it away from her, but she is so stubborn, she would always buy a new one every time he takes them away. Even with the tough image he’d always show, for Irene, Dylan is as vulnerable as her.

She thought of how quivery Dylan’s voice were when he told her his story, “I remembered the time when I used to play with my mother and father in that playground..”

Vulnerable? How could she think of him that way? When she first met him in the asylum, he was calm and strong-looking, unlike the people around him who seemed to be out of their wits. It almost enraged her when the people judged him just for what he had been through.

Could it be because he got scared when he was young? Could someone actually grow up into a vulnerable person after all that has happened in his or her life? She thought. A vision of a couple with a small boy appeared in her imagination. A happy family, that’s what Dylan used to have.

A male voice spoke in her mind. “But then things changed so fast, I never even had the chance to figure out as to why it happened.”

In her mind, she saw a helpless boy run in fear and locked himself inside a closet. She heard a series of screams and loud, yet familiar voices coming from behind the door of the room. It was then she heard a stranger’s voice call out to the two outside, right before silencing everything with two gunshots.

“All I could do was to choke back my tears… I had to be strong.” She heard Dylan sigh in her memories.


Irene woke up to the sound of thunder in the middle of the night. SHe had been dreaming. Her eyes squinted when lightning struck, as its blazing light went past through the curtains and hurt her eyes. It was raining hard, and Dylan was nowhere to be found. It made her worry.

Turning on her AM radio, she gasped. A storm was in the vicinity. Irene immediately grabbed her mobile phone and dialed Dylan’s number. “Dylan… Please pick up the phone…” She was too preoccupied with what she’s doing that she did not notice the electric fan turn off due to power failure. She noticed that the night light went out though, so she reached for a flashlight to aid her in her way around the room. Behind her, the radio went on…

Despite the bitter weather, the chase is still on…
Police officers are still on the move…
It seems that they have trapped the dangerous psychopath on a bridge…
According to the chief officer, he’s got nowhere to go…

Irene waited for a ring, yet nothing came. Was the weather really THAT bad?

Did I hear that right? He jumped off the bridge? Landed on the river, you say?
…We just received a call from one of the officers. The psychopath seemed to have jumped off the bridge in an attempt to escape. He threatened to kill himself earlier with a gun but after what he just did, there is very little chance of him to survive because of the current…

“Ah shoot…” Irene scoffed and looked at the phone in her hand. It just ran out of charge. She smiled to herself and rushed to her husband’s wardrobe. Dylan left an extra rechargeable battery in there for her to use in case of emergencies, so there’s no excuse for her not to call. It was then she stopped her search when something fell on the ground. Irene immediately picked it up. It looked like a bracelet of some sort. Examining it, she chuckled. On it were Dylan’s full name, his room number, and the name ‘Dr. Rivera,’ the doctor that was in charge of him.

“I can’t believe he even keeps these things..” She said to herself before continuing her search with the bracelet and flashlight in one hand. After finding the battery pack, she called her husband again and again, only to hear nothing.

And here is the doctor who claims to have had the psychopath under his care years ago…

Minutes have gone past and the worried girl sat on the sofa with the bracelet in her hand. It was then she almost jumped up in surprise when the door in the living room slammed shut. She pointed her flashlight to the direction from where the noise came. Irene looked ahead in fear to see who it was, only to sigh in relief after seeing her husband, Dylan, standing there and dripping wet.

“Sorry I’m late, hun.. The power went out in the office so… I had to retrieve all the files that… were lost during the power failure..” He was gasping for breath and was stuffing something inside the back pocket of his pants, but Irene ignored that little detail. She was overjoyed to see her husband safe and sound.

“I am so glad to finally see you home!” She exclaimed, a broad smile spread across her face. After that came silence and she heard no voice come out from Dylan, only the voice coming from the radio. She could tell that he was listening.

…So tell us about the psychopath, Dr. Rivera…
Ah yes.. He is a very vengeful person. But I never imagined that he would go this far with his revenge… The people that he brutally murdered... were actually related to the criminal who slaughtered his family… I really never imagined him to turn out to be this way…

Dr. Rivera…

That name… It sounded too familiar. But why? Looking at the bracelet in her hand, her eyes widened. As soon as she shifted her gaze from her hand into Dylan’s eyes, she saw nothing but darkness in them. She then noticed him pull out something from behind him. Seeing what he was holding, she in turn took the phone in front of her and started to dial frantically.
Watching the helpless girl before him, Dylan smiled in a different way.
…He finally spoke.

“Didn’t I tell you not to listen to the radio?”

-------------------- END --------------------

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Şidumaşti Bricçi must 'die'

I was afraid of this. This is what I have been avoiding. This has been my worst enemy. It used to be my friend, but I walked away from it, afraid to get hurt once more after it did. I have to say that this is the worst part of my life. The people around me seem to have no problems embracing it, but it scares me to death.

It really does.

Where do they get the courage to befriend it anyway? Don't they even learn from their mistakes? Are they retarded? Or is it just me? Maybe I DO have a problem...

Şidumaşti Bricçi must 'die'. But how can I kill something that has befriended almost ninety-nine percent of the human population in this world?! How can I kill something that is friendly, sweet, and hard to resist? I don't think I can be friends with it, especially when the odds are highly stacked against me. But this thing looked like it's promising me eternal happiness. I knew it wouldn't, but it's really tempting me. What a push-over this thing is. I hate it.

I sigh in frustration. The exchanging of gifts happened three times already. I gave one to Şidumaşti Bricçi, and it served as a stepping stone - a trigger - for it to give me two more gifts in return. I loved those gifts, and I bet It liked mine just the same. I wanted to give 'em more, but I'm afraid that my gifts would just be given away to a "closer friend."

That would be a complete waste of effort...

Though perhaps it would be better for me to remain only an acquaintance to
Şidumaşti Bricçi, but still send gifts with anonymous letters...

Sunday, February 1, 2009

The Amulet (One shot original story)

One single thought of it haunts me every time I breathe. Forgive me, dear brother…

Everything was peaceful in the Kelkha forest. Orange leaves fell from the trees like feathers as the soft breeze signaled for them to let go of the branches. The tall trees provided patches of sunlight with their leaves for the small butterflies to enjoy. On one of the trees was a teenager not older than seventeen, sitting on top of a branch well hidden by leaves. The boy just sat there while leaning on the trunk behind him. His right arm rested on his knee as he bent his leg, balancing himself on the branch as well as to find him a more comfortable position. Since classes ended early because of a special school event, he reserved the whole afternoon to relax himself. He did not even bother to figure out what this school event was and why it was considered special. For him, nothing could relieve his stress from school than sitting on tree branches, observing the trees and being one with nature. Vega smiled to himself. He yawned. This ‘being one with nature’ thing sure is making him sleepy. He was about to close his eyes but then stopped. Vega looked around.

Am I not alone? He thought to himself while brushing off the dust from his white shirt and blue jeans. He gave his black choker a small tug almost instinctively.

Sounds of footsteps and crushing leaves rattled in the midday air as three girls entered the forest. The two were twins with reddish eyes, silver locks, and pale skin almost as light as their hair. The third one seemed to look more mature than the two. Clad in a formal, white blouse and dark brown slacks covering half of her leather boots, one would accidentally mistaken her for a college student. Her long, brown hair dangled in a high ponytail as she walked with her best friends: Melanie and Sally Orinn. The older twin grinned happily. “Hey Kyrie... What did you bring for show and tell?” She asked. Kyrie looked at the albino twins and smiled. “I have this amulet necklace that came from our clan. It’s very old and it seems to be the only one left of its kind.” She took out a worn-out necklace from her pocket. A small, silver amulet dangled in the air as she held the necklace in front of her face, examining it. The twins stared at it with awe. Sally tightened her pigtails before reaching out for the amulet necklace. She ran a delicate finger on the silver amulet before looking back at Kyrie.

“Why does that silver thingy look like a monster? Can’t they just carve a strawberry amulet instead?” She blinked twice before passing it to her twin. Melanie nodded. “Yeah… Why not a strawberry?” She gave it back to Kyrie. The girl laughed. She knew all along that they will end up talking about strawberries again, even though it’s far from the first topic. In this world, strawberries make the Orinn twins’ life go round. Kyrie placed the amulet back to her pocket. “Well… It was because that monster represents our clan’s village. It’s an ‘Elemental’.” She said.

In a nearby tree not far away from the brunette, Vega leaned closer to look at them. Did he just hear that right?


Kyrie continued. “Elementals are creatures that are said to be capable of shape shifting. It is believed that these creatures are the closest to being ghosts.” She tilted her head to the side a bit. “I thought you said you liked old books.” The twins shook their heads. Kyrie grinned happily before grabbing her friend’s hands. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go to the library! There are a lot of interesting stuff in there that talks about Elementals! And you know what the best part is?” She asked the two as they ran towards the school building. The twins shook their heads.

“What?” The two chorused.

Kyrie giggled. “They all exist!

“You’re making up stories again, Kyrie..” Sally commented.

“No, I’m not!”

“Jeez.. We just got here and now we’re leaving…” Melanie groaned.

Vega leaned back and smiled at Kyrie. He watched the three as they jumped over the fence that separated the forest from the campus. He sighed before jumping off the tree. Vega landed on the forest floor with a thud.

“I thought there were only the two people who ever believed in them.” He said to himself as he stepped on the same spot where Kyrie used to be. Vega kicked a rock and watched it land inside a bush. He blinked in confusion after hearing a light gasp coming from behind it. Suddenly, a boy not older than him popped out from the leaves while holding a silver object. Vega stepped back as the other boy stomped in front of him.

“Vega!” He called out to the black-haired boy. Vega grinned sheepishly while rubbing the back of his head.

“Alvin! How’s my lil’ bro? And uh. .if you do not mind me asking..“ He pointed at the other boy’s hair. “Why did you dye your hair green?” He laughed. Alvin scoffed.

“So that you wouldn’t see me in the bushes.” He then looked at the silver object in his hand. “I cannot believe you let this thing hit my head! It hurts…” Alvin shoved the silver piece on Vega’s palm while rubbing his aching head. Vega’s eyes widened at the sight of a very familiar object. He looked at Alvin as his eyes narrowed.

“What?” Alvin asked. Vega looked at the direction where the three girls went.

“This isn’t mine…”


“What are you looking at, Vega?”

Vega turned to look at Kyrie. He chuckled. “Just a bunch of boulders, that’s all.”

“Yes, I can see that” She giggled. Kyrie walked towards a group of large rocks that formed a small cave. She crossed her arms while looking at Vega. “Well, you have been staring at it ever since I met you.” She smiled at the sixteen-year-old boy before her. It has been a month ever since they first met, and every time she went to the beach to visit him, she would always find him staring at this small cave near the water. She finds it rather.. Tiring.

“Why do you stare at the cave like that, Vega?” She asked. The boy shook his head and smiled. “Well... I cannot tell you that.” Vega raised an eyebrow.

“Why do you keep on watching me then?” He laughed all of a sudden.

Kyrie pouted, her cheeks now flushing in bright red. “Sigh.. You always say that.” She looked at her watch. Vega crossed his arms. “Heh… Shouldn’t you be at home by now, missy?” The brunette gave him a smug look as if to say ‘I know’. Lifting her arms high above her head and letting out a loud groan, Kyrie stretched as far as her muscles would allow. “If you do not want me here, then just say so!” She then walked towards the wooden stairs which lead to the main street. Vega followed suit.

“Hey! Wait up!” He called out.

Kyrie looked back. “What is it?”

“I have something for you.”

Vega raised his hands and placed them behind his head. Kyrie watched him as he untied something that was currently hanging around his neck. Her eyes widened as he gave it to her. “T-that’s..” She started. Vega chuckled. “Yeap. You’re amulet.” Kyrie’s eyes were filled with tears as she wore the necklace. She smiled. “Thank you… I thought I would lose this forever. It’s the only thing I have left which came from my real family. And look..” She examined the necklace carefully. “You even replaced the chord with a new one… I owe you big.” The brunette then gave the boy a tight hug. Vega smiled. “Well, I’m glad to be of help, but I have something to tell you.” He smiled but then broke away after seeing a girl with long, silver hair on the other side if the street. He stared at her before looking back at Kyrie.

“What is it?” She asked.

Vega forced out a smile. “I’m going to be away for a very long time. I’d like to make this day memorable to you by first of all, giving this amulet back to you. I just want you to be happy while I’m gone.”

Kyrie let out a small laugh. “I will never forget this day. But for how long will you be away?”

Vega smiled. He shook his head before looking away. “It doesn’t matter. We’ll see each other eventually. ”

“Is that good?” Kyrie looked down.

“Yes, it is. Now I must take my leave. Take care.” He said while glancing behind Kyrie. The brunette looked behind her. She smiled after seeing her friend, Melanie.

“Melanie! What brings you here?” She said happily. The other girl frowned though.

“I have been looking for you.”

“Hold on, I’m just going to say goodbye to..” Kyrie looked behind her, only to see that Vega wasn’t there anymore. She frowned. “He was here a second ago…”

Melanie tapped her foot impatiently. “Well stop dilly-dallying. Let’s go home already. Sally made us some dinner.”

Kyrie smiled.



Kyrie had a wonderful morning the next day. She woke up happily without a reason for the first time. And because of that, she did well in school for that day. It was not until she found out that Vega was nowhere to be found on the beach, just as he said. That proved it. He was no longer there. Not in our house, not in school, not in the country… I should know.

Some philosophers believe that everything in this world can be sorted out according to their composition. Basing it from the amount of matter and spirit, they have put non-living things, plants, animals, humans and entities without material in this order. They have concluded that humans contain 50% matter and 50% spirit, non-living things with 100% matter and 0% spirit, and the entities with 0% matter and 100% spirit.

More than a hundred years after that, a researcher discovered the two creatures that filled the gaps between humans and entities. The creatures that are closest to humans died out immediately after being mistaken for monsters when they’re actually not. The ones closest to being spirits, were very versatile and capable to adapting to their environment, although they were mistaken to only have appeared in fairy tales. They were ignored, until the present day.

One day, a scientist captured this creature from the water and took care of it in an aquarium. He named it‘water elemental’, due to its capability to shape shift into almost anything that are found in the sea. But unfortunately, this creature stayed aggressive since it was separated from its home. He built a laboratory near the water just in case the creature gets away, just so it could get back to the water almost instantly, without killing it.

It did not take that long before his laboratory got demolished. It was mainly because of the death of his first son who was said to be eaten alive by the Elemental. He gave up his career and took greater care of his last son after the incident. What was left of his laboratory were a pile of rocks and shattered glass, all useless to him and his research. Elementals are protective over their territories, which was the main reason why it attacked the boy when he went to the water to find something very important.

But then again, who would be stupid enough to accidentally drop something THAT important in the water with this creature in the first place?

That would be me.

Secondly, who would be brave enough to risk his life just so he could make his first love happy, no matter how stupid it seems?

Vega would.

One single thought of it haunts me every time I breathe. Forgive me, dear brother...

Friday, January 30, 2009


Yeah. That guy. I'm attracted to him for some reason [since I was nine] and I have no idea why.

... Is that bad?


Well, weekends aren't exactly 'weekends' for me. No, the weeks don't end at all. They just start again from the top. The schedule as well as the list of activities change. :D So yeah, everyday's actually a weekday for me.

Wow, that was random.

Hug me? <3

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Wow. I never thought that college would turn out to be this annoying. I am now cramming a bunch of science papers that are supposed to be due tomorrow. Yeah, our group did some of it during our breaks, but it wasn't enough. We still need more time! >.<

Anyway, back to work. :D See ya!

Saturday, September 13, 2008


Ima suda rukata makude
You can’t stop the raindrops from falling
Ima suda muaye ba rade
You can’t stop the storm from coming

Mai ra yuna daste, -ra yuna daste
Mai ra yuna dase..
I give you my lullaby, mai ra yuna daste lullaby
Lullaby, mai ra yuna daste lullaby

Ki mae rane, kurena ma narena
Today is different from our yesterday
Yida-yida umade quo to narena
Tomorrow is what we learned from our yesterday



Soaring through the darkened skies will
Sanctify this feeling
Does my promise still apply
When seeing is believing

Looking through the bloodstained glass
I saw you vandalizing
Hearts and minds; The social class
Could prove to be deceiving

For every page there comes a story
Like how records used to play
However, there's no 'sorry'
When there's no crime to pay

'Everyday' turns 'Everynight'
When conscience starts to fade
Once you lie, failed your design,
Let 'Fallen' be your name